Three quotes from a morning e-mail that made me smile:
”CW catching up on MP. Who writes this crap? I have had bad scripts to work with, but this? Thank God my sister is amazing and got you some press.” ~ Jessica Simpson
“They hired her because they needed a good name to help create buzz, but she was embarrassingly bad. Producers cut her down as much as possible.” ~ crew member
“She’s the worst actress, but nobody will tell her.” ~ anonymous (I believe the last two quotes are via US Weekly, the first – Twitter.)
Let’s break it down quickly:
- The script IS bad; Ashlee’s acting is worse. The only press that the little scarecrow ever got the show was BAD press, mocking her crazy-eyed approach at “acting“.
- She DID succeed in creating buzz around the show. Hell, even I tuned in for one episode just to see how bad she was at her job. Fortunately for viewers, that’s not really the kind of “buzz” producers look for.
- Are you kidding me?!? If she really wants to know how anyone feels about her acting, all she has to do is READ. Of course, judging by her painful, monotone, syllable-by-syllable delivery of her lines, there’s no guarantee that reading is in her skill set.
Fine, fine, fine. SOMEONE has to do it – it might as well be me.
Dear Ashlee: I guess no one wants to tell you this, so I have volunteered. You suck. At life. Please stop assaulting my television with your pathetic cries for attention. Now, run along and throw up the two Skittles you just ate before the calories sink in. Love, Me.
I, for one, can’t wait for her last episode. I imagine the ratings will be sky-high when everyone tunes in to watch Violet die. I also can’t wait for the episode right after she kicks the bucket. I have no intentions of actually watching the show, but I’ll turn it on and leave the room to help their ratings. Anything I can do to reward them for canning her will be done.
Pete + Mark??
One of us spends entirely too much time talking about bodily functions and lists giving the finger as a natural reflex; the other has swoopy bangs and high levels of anxiety …
… we’ll let YOU figure out who’s who.
I know, I know … but it’s my blog and I can write about whatever I want, dammit!
Nice drunk face. "I was buzzed lightyear"
Honoring a bet with Gabe Saporta regarding “Good Girls Go Bad“, Pete Wentz got a new tattoo last night. And yes, that’s LA Ink’s Dan Smith – hello, dream come true!
In other PDub news, the new Band Hero commercial will feature Taylor Swift, Rivers Cuomo, Travis Barker, and the (bat)man himself rocking out, Tom Cruise-style. Finally, a commercial I can enjoy. I was sick of seeing Heidi Klum’s tired uterus wielding the plastic guitar.
After spending nearly a week stitching up two sparkly white socks, a matching glove, and the perfect little Thriller top, the night finally arrived. I bought my tickets for the premiere of THIS IS IT a month ago (seven minutes after they went on sale 
) and I anxiously awaited the day when I could see The King on the big screen.
As you know from my previous posts, I am an avid Michael Jackson fan. Two of the biggest influences on my life have been Johnny Cash and MJ. “The Way You Make Me Feel” is my all-time favorite song. My wardrobe is a mish-mash of black Western gear and sequined and bedazzled apparel. Those two artists have affected every aspect of my life. When Michael passed this summer, my world came to a screeching halt. I sat at home and cried for days. I never got the chance to see Johnny perform before he passed and now I would never get to see The King.
In the weeks leading up to last night’s premiere, the commercials ran on a continuous loop. It didn’t matter what I was doing or what mood I was in; every time one played, I found myself tearing up. I was nervous to go to the theatre – I’m not big on letting people see me cry and I’m very defensive about the comments people make regarding Michael.
I had nothing to worry about. The film is phenomenal. Raw glimpses into his interactions with his crew, his love for his fans, and the perfectionist passion for his art made it the perfect tribute. I held strong for the first few minutes of the movie, but when one of the auditioning dancers teared up and spoke of how Michael “gave him something to believe in“, I cried like a baby. “Believe” is a big word in my life; everyone needs something to believe in, something to get them through. That was a constant theme throughout the film and made me connect with it even more than I had anticipated.
The most striking thing about the show was MJ’s demeanor. After his passing, the media led everyone to believe that he was sick and struggling with rehearsals, but you can tell from the footage that it was an outright lie, most likely concocted by the very man who took his life. He was happy, he was healthy, and he was alive with passion and excitement. This is not the picture of a man near death. Even more than before, this solidified for me that the scheming monster, Conrad Murray, murdered my King. He had so much left to give us and he needed to see our love for him; he was taken far before he was ready.
The movie runs 121 minutes and is jam-packed with live singing and dancing. I managed to suck it up and only cry through about 90 minutes, but you should definitely take tissues with you. If nothing else, spend the ten dollars to have Michael Jackson back for two hours – it’s more than worth it.
**As always, any derogatory comments about the late great King of Pop will be immediately deleted. Furthermore, you will be banned from ever posting on this site again. Show respect for those who mourn.**
Theresa Giudice, the table-flipping, Italian-conversing, meatball-of-a-man-loving Jersey girl from Bravo’s Real Housewives of New Jersey has been in the news this week with allegations that her and her aforementioned meatball man Joe’s McMansion on the hill has been foreclosed on. New reports indicate that the foreclosed property is an additional property owned by the couple, not the mansion that was the focus of their plotline in the show during the first season.
Regardless of which house they’re losing, I feel the question must be asked:
Isn’t having the bank foreclose on your home schkeeve-y?
I’m sure you’re all wondering where our beloved Haley has disappeared to. Rumors have been swirling that she jumped ship and drowned in the sea of self-importance with KDot, but only PCV got the exclusive scoop on where she’s REALLY been.
A week ago, my dear co-blogger took up a new place of residence and has yet to reconnect to the world-wide web. It’s that simple. No Iranian mafia abductions, no California rehabilitation facilities, no inner-PCV dramz … she’s just waiting on the interwebs hookup.
We miss you, lady; come home soon!
I’ll never be the same again. I’m warning you, the video is very likely more than you can handle. It doesn’t really need any accompanying commentary, but I’m going to give you a few points of interest to enhance your viewing pleasure. First, notice the difference between his front view and side view; who knew that leotards had such a slimming effect? Second, thanks to some nauseating crotch peekage towards the end, I can say with certainty that his leotard is stuffed. Wish you didn’t know that? Well, I wish I hadn’t SEEN that! Tip for next time, guy: don’t overcompensate so much – no one really thought your dingo was that large. Finally, take note of the back hair. It seems to only be growing on one side. Body hair gene with attention deficit disorder? Inadequate shave job? Tiny alien crop circles? We may never know. Enjoy!
… I SEE YOUR COOTER!
What? Is that not how the saying goes? It is if you follow Aubrey O’Day on Twitter. Most “famous” for her stint with Danity Kane, Aubrey has reached recent semi-fame (believe me, I use that term loosely) in Vegas’s PEEPSHOW with Holly Madison. According to Twitter, Miss O’Day’s favorite pastimes include quoting rap lyrics, dressing her puppy mill dogs in ridiculous outfits, and posting nearly naked photos of herself online. I happen to be okay with Aubrey; she’s sassy and funny and her ghettoness aside, a fairly lovable lady. That does NOT mean that I want to see things like the following photo every time I check my Twitter homepage.
Ridiculous dog costumes on puppies who very likely came from a mill? Check. Loose hair extensions hanging off the sink? Check. Visible booby AND kaslopis? Like you even had to ask. Aubrey. Aubarella. Babylove. If you want to share your … gifts … with the world, go for it; but you gotta CHARGE FOR IT, schnitzel! Why would anyone pay to see your show (I don’t in fact know that there’s nudity, but it’s in Vegas, it’s starring Aubrey and Holly Madison, AND it’s called PEEPSHOW; I’m going out on a limb) or buy your magazine spreads when your Twitter pictures are FREE?!? We’re in a recession – you have to look out for number one.
Why do you make my job so hard? I have always defended you. I think Girls Gone Wild is absolutely genius. I’m a senior in college and I have seen the lengths girls will go to for a little attention. I don’t believe that people’s claims of exploitation are founded in anything except blind feminism. In fact, those girls use you just as much as you use them. When GGW is going to be at a campus bar, it’s HEAVILY advertised. If by some chance, a girl happened to end up at bar without previous knowledge that the cameras were going to be rolling, they were made aware of it the second they came within two blocks. Bottom line: most of the girls on those videos are 21-year-old shit shows, just looking for a way to get back at Daddy (the rest are just everyday run-of-the-mill sluts).
Awhile back, the story came out about you pulling Jayde Nicole’s hair. While I don’t condone violence against women, she DID pour a drink on you and you WERE intoxicated; a little hair pull is not that big of a deal. If she had poured that shot on me, I would have deflated those Restalyn lips with my fist. Today, I was looking around online for something to write about and I found the video of you “pulling her hair” … that’s when everything changed.
What you failed to neglect, kind sir, is that you did not just pull her hair. You wrapped her polyester weave around your fist and yanked her ten feet across the bar. I’m going to have to declare that it’s not okay to do such a thing. However, I would like to personally hug you for kicking Brody Jenner’s ass and publicly announcing that his Playmate skewer is Gaga-sized (at best).
In closing, I would like to ask that you please stop making it so hard for me to stick up for you. We’re losing, Joe; I suggest you adopt a highway and donate some money to a battered women’s shelter.
Love,
Me
Click here for the video.
"Be nice to me - I'm just a little girl! I'm even wearing a romper, see?!?"
I don’t have time to do a full story, but I wanted to get this out there for those of you who have been banging your head against the wall every Tuesday:
E!News has confirmation that Ashlee Simpson Wentz is being written off of Melrose Place. THAT explains why CW ordered five more episodes – it might stand a chance now.
Ashlee’s comment on getting the axe:
“Having the chance to play Violet on Melrose Place has been a thrill. Although I always knew her story would come to a final, insanely unpredictable end, playing a creepy, unstable character was something I always wanted to do, so I jumped at the chance. Thanks to the CW and the entire cast and crew of Melrose Place for allowing me this opportunity.”
So, she knew she was going to be written off the show and she’s totally fine with it? I buy it. I also think she’s an excellent singer who got a bad rep because of an unfortunate case of acid reflux, is our generation’s Meryl Streep, and deserves every mother-of-the-year award from now until her little chubnug turns 18. Oh wait …
**UPDATE**UPDATE**UPDATE**
Ashlee’s last episode will air in January. When I find out the exact date, you’ll be the first I tell. Since it’s coming to a “final, insanely unpredictable end“, I’m guessing she gets murdered. I hope it’s gruesome and excessive. I’ll definitely watch THAT episode!
