Liveblogging the Teen Choice Awards, 2009

I’m 22. I have no shame. I’m watching the TCA for Twilight. Lucky for you, I’m also liveblogging the whoooollleeee thing. Feel free to comment!

8:00 PM
Presidential news conference? Jonas Brothers? Wait, is this a bad SNL skit?
Wait, which Jonas is which? I’m already too old for this.
Methinks the one with the shortest hair is cute. Which probably means he’s the youngest. Ew.

8:03 PM
Oh great, a song. Jonas Brothers singing the song that’s about Taylor Swift.
“The girl in front of me/she’s much better”- well, that’s just mean. Taylor seems like a lovely gal.

8:05 PM
Is this shiz over yet? It’s sooo late 80s/early 90s terrible lite rock station sounding to me.
Ew.

8:07
Okay, George Lopez, using Zac Efron and Taylor Lautner to get some screams is just cheap.
Also, he just joked about how latino/latinas are like teens- women dress like they’re teens when they’re 60, they’re lazy, etc- I’m pretty offended, and I’m caucasian. Gross.

8:09
First televised award of the night: Choice TV actor and actress as well as Choice Drama TV show. The winners are Chase Crawford, Leighton Meester, and Gossip Girl. Loves!
Leighton is so adorable.

8:10
“Teens drive pop culture”- Chase Crawford
“Shout out to LexMaster1600- my little brother.”- Leighton

To avoid clogging up the entire page, I’m making the rest of my liveblogging available after the jump.

8:11
Omg. A twitter/twit joke. I seriously abused the word twit when I was in this demographic. And no, I don’t buy that people call Twitter-users “twits.”

8:12
Choice twit: Ellen Degeneres. Please dance, Ellen!
She’s holding up her cell phone to show everone that she is, indeed, on Twitter.
They’re using giant seashells instead of envelopes to reveal the winners, and they look pretty cool.

8:14
Ellen jokes that she’s giving away Zac and Robert Pattinson’s phone numbers, which of course causes the whole place to erupt in applause.
The camera hasn’t panned to RPatz even once, though, so I’m guessing he’s not in his seat yet?

8:18
Commercial time! Also, admission time:
Okay…. I sort of want to see Fame. Not in theaters, though- it’s more of a 99 cent rental from Redbox.
AND GLEE!?! OMG. I’m squeeing for this show.

8:20
Jordin Sparks’ dress is super cute. Teal, fitted, almost booby-licios.
She’s revealing a segment during the awards: “Dare the Jonas Brothers.”
Among the dares: Wear coconut bras and grass skirts, perform “Single Ladies” all together, and something else I didn’t catch. I don’t think we’re missing terribly much.

8:22
Ashley Tisdale and Corbin Bleu are presenting Choice Movie Actor- Comedy.
I haven’t really seen her acting, but Ashley Tisdale was super-cute pre-nose-job. Now I’m a little creeped.

8:23
Zac Efron wins Choice Movie Actor- Comedy and Choice Rock Star Momement for 17 Again, , Choice Movie Actor: Music or Dance for HSM:3.

8:25
Jonai update. YAY! GLEE! A whole bunch of people from Glee whose names I don’t know are introducing Sean Kingston’s performance of “Fire Burning.”

8:27
Omg. 1.) Stripper poles. 2.) Cheesetastic, Sean-y. 3.) These boy back-up dancers are too much for words.

8:28
Oh, wow- Sean stopped singing for a minute, and it showed how much of a vocal track he’s using. Hint: A LOT.
Also, he is not made to dance. No hating, Sean, I’m not either.

8:29
I heard there was going to be a funny shot of RPattz dnacing with the Jamaican flag. I’m not sure if I missed it of if it didn’t make the broadcast. I’m sad either way.

8:35
Oh, I LOVE Miss J! Are the kiddies not afraid of him/her?
The first Dare the Jonas Brothers dare: “Joe, I dare you to get all of your hair cut off onstage.”
A little cheese-rific.

8:37
Okay, no way that this is going to happen, right? I mean, especially since Mike Tyson is the one supposedly cutting.
Oh shit, it IS happening! Something tells me that maybe it wasn’t really supposed to, at least to this extent, haha.

8:38
Aw, Emma Roberts and Hayden Panettiere! So cute.
Choice Fresh-Faced Actor and Actress- the awards go to Ashley Greene and Taylor Lautner.
P.S.- pre Ashley’s nakedgate. Poor girl, but srsly? Don’t take naked pics. They get out. She’s so likeable though!

8:40
Ashley thanks everyone in the world, wears a ridiculously cute dress. Taylor Lautner looks damn good in his vest. And tighty-tight shirt. HALEY, HE IS 17. And really sweaty. Ew.

8:41
Choice movie- Action/Adventure: latest Harry Potter
-comedy: Up
-romance: The Proposal
Choice breakout tv star: Frankie Jonas?
Choice breakout tv star, girl: Demi Lovato
Awwww, Frankie is totes the most adorable Jonas! He thanked his best friend

8:43
After the break: Britney, Miley, RPatz

8:48
Who is this Fred character, and what’s with the helium? Not funny. Maybe it would be if I were 12?
Oh, boo, haircut was fake.

8:49
ED WESTWICK. KRISTIN BELL. I want to be onstage at this moment. OMG. He’s beautiful.
Choice TV Villain- Ed Westwick. WAIT- WTF- HE’S BRITISH!?! I don’t know if I find him more or less attractive. Hmm.
P.S. I am thinking of Alicia Katrina and her love of this man!

8:51
Choice Summer Movie Drama: My Sister’s Keeper. Which… really, Cameron Diaz is sitting ridiculously close to the stage, so it’s no surprise.

8:52
Choice Summer Male TV Star… Ricky from The Secret Life of the American Teenager.
Choice Single: “The Climb”
Choice Hissy Fit: “Hannah Montana: The Movie”
Choice Movie Actress- Singing and Dance
Choice Comedy Actress
Choice Comedy show
Choice song of the Summer: “Before the Storm” – Jonas Bros feat Miley Cyrus
- all Miley! Holy crap! Girl swept it.

8:55
Miley’s performing her new single. It’s weird. “Party in the USA”?
OH NO. She’s using a stripper pole. And dressed like Britney in the midst of her breakdown.
Fox News is going to LOVE this.

8:57
Thought of the night: Miley loves God. Does God love stripper poles?

8:59
I know this is old news, but I still find it delicious that Dr. Dre sold out and did the Dr. Pepper commercials.
“Trust me- I’m a doctor.” Pscha!

9:01
WHOA! In other sell-out news: Me First & The Gimme Gimmes’ cover of “Leaving on a Jet Plane” is in the new Bing commercial!? Wows. I mean, their cover of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” is the theme-song for Taxicab Confessions, but that’s a little diff… am I alone with this one?

9:04
ALEXIS BLEDEL! Presenting. My Rory baby all grown up. Really hideous dress, it makes her look like a tulip bulb.
Choice Summer TV Star- Female: Selena Gomez. So adorable!
Choice Summer TV Show- Princess Protection something?

9:05
Dane Cook. Oh, Choice Hottie awards!
Choice Hottie- Male: RPATTZ!
Choice Hottie- Female: Megan Fox
Once Megan’s name is announced, the crowd freaks.
Choice movie female- Megan
Choice movie star Action/Drama- RPattz

9:08
“I’m gonna shut up now so you can all look at Robert Pattinson.”- Megan
For someone that says he’s terrified of screaming, he’s buttering the audience up!
“I think the hottest hotties are the Twilight fans.” Oh, RPattz!

9:09
Kevin Jonas is dared to get a tattoo live, onstage. KAT VON D!
HOLY SHIT
What happened to your hair, Kat? It’s blonde. And bad.
And she’s like… naked.
Still hot. (No ‘mo.)
This segment needs to be dropped.

9:15
RPATTZ. Smiling. Cancer is cured, just like that.

9:16
Black Eyed Peas.
Hate.
Despite the hate and very shaky vocals, it looks cool- they’re suspended from the ceiling with wires and riding surfboards through the air.

9:17
…does this song seriously say “Mozel Tav!” Yes, yes it does.

9:19
Choice Rap Song- Black Eyed Peas. For “Boom Boom Pow,” I think.

9:20
Choice Movie Actor- Action/Adventure: Hugh Jackman.
Revealed via a very cheesy fake tattoo on Kevin Jonas’s arm.

9:22
Choice Movie- Action/Adventure: X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Omg. I want to hug Hugh Jackman. He’s pretty beefy for my taste. Not to mention OLD. But…. he’s pretty

9:26
Oooh, Miley got her nose pierced. Middle America didn’t revolt?

9:30
Last dare: “I dare Nick Jonas to hug as many Jonas Brothers fans as you can.”
Twenty seconds.
Btw, Nick is the adorable little nugget I said was my favorite at the beginning of the post. Aws.
BUT, come on, we need more awards! More Britney!

9:32
Miley’s presenting Britney the Ultimate Choice award. Apparently she was the first person on stage at the original TC Awards in 1999. Wowww. Now she’s won 8. Oh Brit Brit!

9:34
Guaranteed: “Circus” will be stuck in my head for the rest of the night.

9:35
The crowd is chanting “Britney.” Her hair’s kinda crazy, but not like… when she was crazy. I love that her acceptance speeches are hardcore monitored, haha. “Thank ya’ll!”

9:41
Choice RnB: Beyonce
Choice Rock: Paramore
Choice Male Artist: Jason Mraz
Choice Female Artist: Taylor Swift
Choice Breakout Artist: David Archuletta

9:42
Choice Fab-U-Lous!- Miss Jay.
AKA: The Teen world’s favorite gays. Wholly approve, but don’t like the name.
OMG, he just thanked every GBLT teenager across the nation. I’m weird, I know, but I’m wiping tears. That’s so nice.

9:44
ELEVEN TEEN CHOICE AWARDS FOR TWILIGHT.
The cast accepts, Taylor is the first to speak.
Oh, there’s some bad editing between Taylor’s acceptance and RPattz’s.

“Twilight” won 11 awards, beating out “Slumdog Millionaire” for Choice Drama and winning Choice Liplock for a kiss between stars Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart. The movie also won Choice Fight for a battle between Pattinson and movie villain Cam Gigandet. Pattinson and Stewart won the awards for Choice Actor and Choice Actress in a Drama, respectively, and Gigandet won the award for Choice Villain.

via: RTTNews
(My screen froze and I missed the announcements. Oops!)

9:53
A blonde Kim Kardashian and Choice Athlete Shawn Johnson give the Jonas Brothers five awards.
Choice TV Breakout Show
Choice TV Actor-Comedy (Didn’t say which)
Choice Red Carpet Fashion Icon
Choice Music Album
Choice Summer Song
And now they’re gonna perform!
“Burnin’ Up” I think. I’ve never actually heard a Jonas song in its entirety before tonight. Hmm.

9:59
And with that, the night is over. Thanks for reading!